I find it odd that I'm starting this blog on a day that's supposed to the happiest. I mean, for Heaven's sake, it's Christmas! I'm supposed to be giddy and happy, glad to have presents under the tree, but the things is, I'm not happy. In all honesty, I don't think I've really been exactly happy since October of last year. Yeah, I've become high on medication that made me swell enough to be able to go out of my house again. But happy? No, I haven't been happy since...well...I don't remember when.
October of last year was kind of my last hurrah of fake happiness before I broke down, you see. And, as many stories go, my downfall of happiness began March (?) of my fifth grade year, 2010 to be exact. I'll be remembering that year a lot even though it's kind of fuzzy in my brain. Memories kind of are suppressed into the back of my brain, subconsciously of course. I guess my brain believes I'm not ready to know all the details of my oh-so-wonderful childhood. Did you not my sarcasm? Because if you didn't, I think I have the right to call you stupid right now.
If I have offended you, I'm sorry. I'm just not in the greatest of moods today, which I have no clue why honestly. Today is Christmas, and I should be happy. But, of course, my life just has to suck by making having a bad day on one of the most important days of the year.
Now, I'm not some bratty little thing that believes my life sucks because I didn't get the freaking electronic device I wanted from dear mummy. It's not like I suddenly decided my life must be terrible and always has been terrible. It's not like I'm just writing this blog to gain some attention from strangers on the world wide web. No, I'm not that kind of person. Attention is actually the last thing I want.
Anyway, I'm going to blog when I feel like I'm depressed since, well, I've been diagnosed with clinical depression for crying out load, or even when I'm high on my medication. That's when I feel like everything is fine and dandy, and I'm skipping through the roses called my life. Yeah, I actually act like that, but I guess you'll see that side of me when/if I decide to blog if I'm in that mood. By the way, I'm not bipolar even though I do act like it sometimes. The doctors would of tested me if they thought I was.
Bye for now,
Alexandria
PS. Alexandria isn't my real name. It's my confirmation name since I'm Catholic and don't feel like using my real name.
